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I’m grateful to share that this weekend, 470 radio stations across the US will carry an interview I recorded for HealthJournal.net.

The introduction states I’m based in Australia; actually I’m based in the US and speak frequently about my experience as an egg donor, among many other topics (please see “Speaking” on this site).

I’ll wait until Monday to post the link, as requested by the network. My thanks to them for this opportunity.

Best wishes,

Alicia

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THIS ISSUE:  *I’m adopted—can I be an egg donor? * How to support a dad-to-be? Privacy **Emotional IUOs. ***

I’m adopted—can I still be an egg donor?

I’ve both interviewed and received emails from egg donors who were adopted. Of course, each clinic has its own way of doing things, but in my experience each requires a detailed family and personal medical history. Clinic staff will be happy to help clarify what they would need. You don’t mention whether you have some patchy information about your birth family, or none at all. Do you feel ready to explore information about your birth family? Be gentle to yourself; depending on how comfortable you are with having being adopted, and how long you have known, it might stir issues separate to any potential donor experience.

How do you support the fathers-to-be through the whole infertility thing?

Great question, because fathers—and lesbian partners—can sometimes feel sidelined. No one means to do it, but it can be easy to forget that their days are just as punctuated with the impact of counting cycles, bloodwork, appointments and the emotional upheaval. Be available to listen and be guided by them as to whether they want to talk about it, or crave a change of topic. Sure, they want to be a father, but they also wear other hats: professional, sports fanatic, son etc. They might welcome the chance to hash out a lateral move at work, or debate the star player this season, or express worry their ageing parents.

Have you ever regretted using your real name in the book?  We’ve been TTC (trying to conceive) for three years, and I feel like my insides are on the outside for public comment.

I don’t want to be flippant about something as important as privacy, but it felt fine from the start.  I respect privacy be an early casualty in the infertility process, when people you barely know don’t hesitate to comment or pass judgment on your family planning. Good on you for keeping focused on the wonderful end goal. Also, while I do write about intimate things, the details themselves aren’t graphic. The first couple I donated to—Angela and Steve, who had Rachael—were comfortable with their real names being used, which was inspiring. That said, of course I respect the use of pseudonyms preferred by the second couple, Kate and Thomas and their son, Sam.

I feel so bad talking about this, so I’m writing instead. An old friend has offered to be our egg donor, and of course, we’re beyond thrilled. But one thing nags me. While she has a lot of great qualities, she’s quite materialistic and she “jokes” about the emotional IOUs we’ll need to cough up when the baby comes. We’d give her the moon if we could, but this journey has taken every spare dime. I worry whatever we give, won’t be enough.

I understand your hesitancy to raise this, especially with her, but consider it temporary discomfort vs. long term awkwardness or pain. Egg donation needs to be either a clear-cut transaction or a gift without strings attached. Either way, healthy boundaries are needed. Her intentions are wonderful, but as an old friends, you know her well. Talk with your clinic counselor (and explore the need for a written agreement/contract) and consider a joint session with your friend to ensure you’re on the same page. If you still feel uncomfortable—that the joy of your child’s birth could be tainted with worry about your friend’s looming “payday”, consider opting out. I can only imagine how hard it would be to contemplate letting go of this donor, but listen to your intuition. If so, tell her that her offer was a deeply touching gift in itself—one you will never forget. Add that your long friendship is too important to jeopardize and you know she’ll be a wonderful aunt. Explore other, perhaps anonymous options.

Column is not a substitute for medical or legal advice.

Alicia Young is a journalist, speaker, and author of the award-winning Two Eggs, Two Kids: An egg donor’s account of friendship, infertility & secrets. She has a background in social work counseling and journalism and has volunteered at a leprosy hospital in India. In her spare time, Alicia handles parasols and power tools with equal ease (not really, but she helpfully holds the flashlight when needed). Based in the US; speaks internationally. @AskanEggDonor www.savvylife.net Questions? askaneggdonor@hotmail.com © 2016 Alicia Young.

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Here’s a link to a feature in Women’s Health Mag.com. My thanks to the magazine and to journalist Zahra Barnes.

I did not write the piece, nor the headline. The friendship is addressed more in the article. I very much consider both my  egg donations  as positive experiences; the act of being someone’s donor simply doesn’t inoculate one against the waxing and waning of a long term friendship – that’s simply life.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/mom/donating-eggs-to-friends

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#02, Dec 1, 2015.

THIS ISSUE: *Asking a relative to be your egg donor *Coping with the Holidays *Using an overseas agency *Psychological assessment *Telling your family.

We’re thinking of asking my adult niece to be our egg donor. How do we go about it?

As I’m sure you appreciate, it’s an important issue that deserves careful consideration. While I respect your niece is an adult and can make her own decisions, you might like to first raise the idea with your sibling. You don’t mention whether your niece has started/completed her own family, or plans to have her own children. There’s several important relationships to consider here, and many dynamics at play. If your niece eventually decides to donate, will your sibling consider the child his/her grandchild? Meaning: would you be given the space and freedom to parent in your own style? A donor within the family certainly brings advantages, but consider investing in a few sessions of joint counseling to ensure key players have a chance to air their feelings and to better explore how this might play out in the short and longer term.

‘Tis the season of cheer…really? I want to scream and cry at being swamped by images of happy families gathered around Holiday tables and children unwrapping gifts.

I can only imagine how this time of year feels for you, as you long to start your own family and your own traditions. Friends tell me they use several approaches to ease the discomfort: some forward their gifts ahead of time and join everyone in time for the meal; they find it a little easier to sidestep all the excitement and wrapping paper flying in the air. Call time-out with a walk around the block if it all becomes too much. A few impose their own media blackout (not easy, I know) and binge-watch their favorite shows in the days prior, for respite from the constant ads and jingles. Others might prefer to volunteer at a meal for the homeless as a worthwhile way to redirect their energy. My neighbor sticks to online shopping to avoid the malls and the lines to see Santa. My wish for you is a little breather, encouraging news on the medical or paperwork front, and renewed hope for your path to parenthood, whatever form that might take. Here‘s to joyful news in the new year, if not sooner.

 Should I use an overseas agency to find an egg donor?

That depends. I suggest you first explore local options, as you can more easily check that the doctors are board certified, visit your short-listed agencies and get a better sense of how they work through meeting staff and/or attending seminars they offer. If you still want to check out overseas options, it helps to be clear as to why: Are they more likely to have a donor pool aligned to your ethnic background? Is there a shorter waiting list? Are they cheaper?  Do they have a local satellite office where you can do at least some of the initial paperwork/tests, to cut back on travel or time off work? Are they licensed and regulated? It’s also worth gauging how many staff speak your language: not just the doctors/nurses, but also administrative staff to make appointments or discuss billing.

I’m thinking of signing on as an egg-donor at an agency. What happened at your psychological assessment?

Great question. First up: relax. The psychological assessment works two ways: a chance for the counselor to check if you will be a good candidate for egg donation, but also a chance for you to ask any questions to ensure you understand a process you may or may not choose to take further. I was asked about my motivation to donate, my expectations of the process and its likely outcome. We discussed how my partner felt about it, and whether he needed coaxing or was fully on board. She asked how we spend our time together, and resolve conflict, as well as our hopes and dreams for the future. She was seeking a sense of the relationship to gauge if was stable, supportive and ongoing. We had already decided not to have children, otherwise I’m sure she would have delved further into family planning. If you are considering being a known donor, you will be asked how you feel the dynamics might change with your egg recipients, and how you will manage that. If you decide to donate anonymously, the counselor would want to explore your feelings and expectations around that.

Did you tell your family that you donated?

At the time, I told my siblings, some of whom showed a passing interest. I chose not to tell my parents for many years, out of a sense of protection; I suspected that they might not see beyond the notion of an unknown grandchild out there. Perhaps that was unfair or presumptuous.  I was a known donor both times (to two separate couples) and while they each said they would want the children to know me and the role I played, I couldn’t presume they would welcome a third set of grandparents (no matter how peripheral). I have offered a few times over the years to organize a get-together, if only out of curiosity on the children’s part, as my parents are getting older. Neither the children nor their parents have felt any pressing need, and that’s absolutely fine.

This column is not a substitute for medical, psychological or legal advice.

Are you a fertility blogger, or do you represent a clinic? Contact us for fresh content for your website or patient newsletter! Alicia Young is a journalist, speaker, and author of the award-winning Two Eggs, Two Kids: An egg donor’s account of friendship, infertility & secrets. She has a background in social work counseling and journalism and has volunteered at a leprosy hospital in India. In her spare time, Alicia handles parasols and power tools with equal ease (not really, but she helpfully holds the flashlight when needed). Based in Houston. @AskanEggDonor www.savvylife.net Questions? Send them to askaneggdonor@hotmail.com  © 2015 Alicia Young. 

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[Disclosure: This post forms part of a cross-promotion; it is also my pleasure. Tegan Wren interviewed me in July 2015 for her blog, www.teganwren.com.]

Whether you’re an avid reader, aspiring author—or both!—Tegan provides terrific tips and insights into her debut book, INCONCEIVABLE! It’s a delightful, engaging and well-paced tale, centering on a young royal couple grappling with infertility. Many of us feel pressure to provide grandchildren – imagine having to provide an heir to the monarchy! I also enjoyed how the subplot was woven through, adding texture and shifting gears from the personal to the wider community.

Here’s the Amazon link:  http://amzn.to/1VWvLpG

Alicia: Tell us about your writing routine.

Tegan: I usually write in the evening after my three young children are asleep. I typically type my stories on a laptop in bed with a cat (or two!) curled up in my lap. This is my quiet time, so I don’t typically listen to music while I write in the evening. On the rare occasion when I get to write during the day, I strongly prefer to write at a coffeehouse where I can sip a hot cup of joe while I work.

Alicia: The premise of infertility offers a fresh twist on modern novels. How much of Inconceivable! is autobiographical, and did that make it easier or more challenging at times?

TEGAN WREN

Tegan: Thank you for saying it’s a fresh twist! I agree—this topic is not often explored in depth in modern novels. I’m hard pressed to give an accurate estimate as to how much of the details are autobiographical. Unlike Prince John, who has a bit of a hard time with the whole infertility situation in the early stages as some men do, my husband was completely supportive from the very beginning. Like Hatty, I was in my 20’s when I first discovered I was having trouble conceiving and was otherwise healthy and fit. I wanted to focus on this age group because in movies and tabloid stories, stories often center on women who are in their late 30’s to 40’s and delayed their decision to try to conceive. Those are important stories to tell and my heart breaks for those women. However, based on my own experience, I felt a need to tell a story about infertility impacting a young woman.

The book implies Hatty may have endometriosis, though she never has the outpatient surgery to confirm it. I did, but even with the diagnosis and treatment of endo, I still couldn’t conceive. I’m a person of Christian faith, as is Hatty, and infertility did prompt me to ask some serious questions within the context of my faith. Hatty, who is living in Europe and does not have a faith support system there, struggles a bit more than I did with reconciling her faith and infertility. I definitely struggled, but she has a harder time. I felt that was a really important aspect to show because serious medical challenges do intersect with our beliefs in ways that may make some people uncomfortable, especially those who haven’t walked this lonely path. People who haven’t experienced infertility may hand out pithy spiritual advice that ultimately is not helpful in addressing the person’s underlying feelings of shame over a body that isn’t doing what it was made to do, guilt, jealousy, anger, profound sadness, grief, and so on. And really, this is one of the main reasons I wrote this book: to cultivate more compassion for people slogging their way through infertility.

Alicia:  Tips and insights on laying out a plot?

Tegan: As a reader, the plot is very important to me. I don’t have a lot of patience for too much description or character studies. I think that’s reflected in my writing because I like to establish and maintain a pace that moves along. The best plots surprise us (without requiring us to stretch our suspension of disbelief too much), speak truth to us, and provide a satisfying ending (it may or may not be happy). So, those are my goals in laying out a plot. I create a plot outline that shows the skeleton of where my story will go. Then, as I write the “meat” that goes on the skeleton, that’s where you start to see the colors of the story emerge and blend together. I let my characters drive me from plot point A to plot point B. Sometimes, they choose a straight, direct path. Other times, it winds and takes unexpected turns. The more intricate the connections between the parts of the skeleton, the more firmly it’s all held together and the better it flows. Subplots are a part of the “meat” and move along in parallel to the main action, but still connect to the plot skeleton. That’s how I avoid letting my subplots wander too far afield of the main action.

Alicia:       You have a background in journalism, as done your main character. What considerations factor in when you assign personality traits/ quirks, backstory or a name to a character?

Tegan:   For me, the name of the character is very important. The name carries specific connotations for me, and those connotations help shape the personality and traits. I’ve completed two novels and have a third in progress. For all of them, I have a character “cheat sheet” that gives characters’ name, birth date, physical quirks (sometimes this is a useful tool to help readers differentiate between characters), special connections/relationships to other characters, very important dates in their lives, and any other notes about the characters that I may need to remember as I write. I’ve found I reference my character cheat sheet countless times. Developing the entry for each character forces me to think about his/her back story and life outside the pages of my book. This adds depth to a novel.

Alicia:      Any other works in the pipeline?

Tegan: I just finished a contemporary young adult novel about a teenage girl who flees the scene of a fatal car crash. It’s a coming of age story with a tone and voice that’s quite different from INCONCEIVABLE! It’s going to beta readers very soon. I hope to begin querying agents with it this fall. For INCONCEIVABLE! I secured a publishing deal with Curiosity Quills Press without an agent. This is an independent publisher that works with both agented and un-agented writers. I’m really pleased to be working with them on my debut novel, but I hope to find an agent to represent my second novel.

Finally, I’ve started an adult contemporary romance called CHANDELIERS. It’s about a French language teacher from the U.S. who’s taking part in a reenactment at Versailles and experiences a time slip. She finds herself at the court of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette, and she soon discovers she’s not the only person from the present day who’s gone back in time. A handsome doctor is there, too. I’ve long had a love of Versailles and Marie Antoinette, so I’m writing a book I’ve always wanted to read. [SL]

My thanks to Tegan for her time and insight. You can check out the book’s Amazon link here: http://amzn.to/1VWvLpG

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Speaker, Author and Journalist, Alicia Young will Present Evening Lectures at New Life Hiking Spa Opening Weekend for the 2015 Season

New Life Hiking Spa, which was recently listed #1 on the 2014 Spas of America list and is known as one of the top wellness vacations in country, is pleased to announce award-winning author and journalist, Alicia Young will present the evening lectures for the opening weekend at New Life Hiking Spa.

• 

Alicia Young, Speaker/Author/Journalist

Alicia Young is an award-winning author and speaker. We are thrilled to have her lecture at New Life Hiking Spa.

Mendon, VT (PRWEB) April 17, 2015

New Life Hiking Spa in Vermont is one of the leading wellness and destination spas in North America. Founded in 1978 by Jimmy LeSage, M.S., New Life is celebrating its 38th season and the grand opening of its new location in Mendon, Vermont. New Life Hiking Spa will open for the 2015 season on May 14th and the season will run through September 28th.

Alicia Young is a (US based) Australian international TV journalist, with more than fifteen years’ experience as a reporter, foreign correspondent and news anchor. She is a dynamic and engaging corporate speaker, drawing on her media background to weave stories around diversity, civility, social intelligence, global volunteer work and navigating change. Alicia has lived in eight countries and gained valuable cultural insights.

Her debut book “The Savvy Girl’s Guide to Grace: small touches with big impact – at home, work & in love”, has won 2014 Gold Honoree at The IBPA Benjamin Franklin Awards, 2013 Winner at the New York Book Festival (Best New How-To/Self Help), 2013 Winner at the London Book Festival, 2013 Winner at the New England Book Festival, and multiple other awards.

Alicia has three new books coming out in June 2015. Among them is Two Eggs, Two Kids: An egg donor’s account of friendship, infertility & secrets.

Alicia will be presenting a variety of lectures during her stay at New Life Hiking Spa including: Is There a Book in You?, Parachuting into a New Life, and others.

About New Life:
New Life Hiking Spa is open each year from mid-May through the end of September. Approximately 600 guests from all over the world come to visit New Life in the Green Mountains of Vermont.

New Life has been consistently picked as one of the top ten spas in the world by SpaFinder Wellness Reader’s Choice Awards for hiking, outdoor adventure, solo travel, weight loss, affordability and fitness classes over the past decade. In addition, founder and director Jimmy LeSage, M.S., was chosen as one of the world’s top ten best spa managers in 2011. Yankee Magazine selected New Life Hiking Spa as the 2012 Editor’s Choice for “Best Place to Rejuvenate”. New Life has also been selected as New England’s top spa by Spas of America in 2010, 2011, 2012 and 2013. Most recently, it was on the 2014 listing with a #1 spot from all over America. The spa also holds an enviable spot on The Active Times’ 10 Top Health and Wellness Vacations for 2015.

More information can be found on http://www.NewLifeHikingSpa.com.

Alicia Young’s website can be found at http://devgraphix.aliciayoung.net, and her current book can be found onhttp://www.amazon.com/-/e/B00DPLQPQ4

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